Officer D. Hanskead's last call

It was almost beautiful how they were laying there. They were holding hands. I later came to find out they were meant to be married a few days later. There were three dead, one in his vehicle, and the other two just off the left side of the road near an old pine tree. The driver of the other car was in good condition, he was being consoled by the other man in the accident. They were together in the back of the ambulance. The driver was in a wheelchair, and the other guy, Reginald Polke, was in a stretcher. He had a broken leg, a few broken ribs, and a pretty smashed up face, or that's what the first EMT's on the scene had described it for me. I couldn't figure out why the other two victims, the male and the female, were under the tree.

I was looking through the back seat of one of the cars, a silver Subaru Station wagon. There was some blood in the front seat. The passenger airbag had not deployed. The driver's side airbag had. There was a picnic basket in the back seat and there were cards scattered everywhere in the backseat. Black and white pictured cards.

It had been my second call of the night. The first was to assist in a possible DUI over on Glensdale Ave. on the east side of town. It turned out the driver had not been under the influence of alcohol or drugs, but was just uncooperative with Officer Plasket. That was two hours ago. It was nearly eleven o'clock now. I still had another four hours left of my shift. This had been one of the worst collisions in the last three years. Three dead, one stable but in need of hospital, and one absolutely hysterical man in a wheelchair. He told me his name was Rowland, and that it was his brother and his brother's fiancee that were dead under the tree. He was pretty broken up about the the situation. I could understand why.

He told me that his brother and his brother's fiancee were on top of the car when the collision occurred. I couldn't understand why they were on top of the car, to me it seemed senseless and just irresponsible for all those involved. He told me the other car pulled out in front of him at the intersection. After later testing, the man was deemed not under the influence and it was determined that he had been driving within the legal speed limit. The actions of the people within his vehicle were illegal, riding on the roof of a moving vehicle, but the state wished to take no further action against him. He had suffered the loss of his brother, his last direct family relative, and as he put it, his best friend.

It took three hours to get the scene cleared and that part of the road opened back up to public traffic. I had to go back to the station and fill out the official reports. It took me nearly four hours of paperwork closing documentation before I could move on from the collision case. By then I hadn't wanted to. After reading some of the cards in the back of that car, and thinking about my wife, I had made my decision. I had been thinking about it for the past eight months and the three fatalities that night had helped me make up my mind. I was leaving the Fairfield Police Department. My wife and I needed time to sort our life back out, for a second time. This time I couldn't use my position on the police force to distract me from what needed to be done.

After discovering the identity of the male victim on the side of the road I had realized I had pulled him over over a year before. I never forgot a citation. I remember quite vividly the situation. He had done an illegal turn across a double yellow line on Antsole Rd. and subsequently had a small collision with an animal. It was about one a.m. in the morning. I remember his excuse for the illegal driving maneuver was 'love' and it hit a nerve. I'm not meant to have my personal life affect my profession but earlier that evening my wife had told me she wanted to separate. I cited the victim for aggressive and reckless driving. I could see now he wasn't lying, or at least I hope he wasn't lying. At least they died holding hands.

I don't believe in fate, but I did think it was interesting that the first of the black and white cards that I read was addressed to the victims brother, Rowland. There was a printed poem on the inside of the card. It seemed personal, as did the picture that had been printed on the front of it had. On the inside left page of the card it said 'Rowland. You are the best. There could never be a better brother and brother-in-law. You will always be in our hearts, and in the downstairs of our house. We love you. Love. Miisha and Steady.' They were all like that. the pictures and the poems were all different but the sentiment was usually the same. The couple seemed happy. I think they would have had a nice marriage.

Steady. Steady and Miisha. They must have been known as Steady and Miisha amongst their friends. The names didn't make sense to me because in my reports the deceased went as Ambrose Sloane Norris and April Sadie Nathek. Those were their given birth names. They had the same initials. They must have talked about that all of the time. They must have thought it was funny. Maybe they thought it was fate.

I remember being upset that night I pulled Ambrose over. My wife had told me that she wanted to separate. I remember I scolded him. I tried to threaten him. I told him that the animal could have been a child. It was one in the morning. No child should have ever been out that late at night. No good parent should let their child out that late at night. he probably thought I was nuts or something.

That's how my kid died. He was hit by a car at ten o'clock in the morning on a Saturday. He was chasing our dog into the street. I was ten feet away from him when he was struck by the car. I should have been a better father. I should have protected him better. He was only four years old. My name is Hanskead. It was Officer D. Hanskead. Now it's just Hanskead. Dacklin Hanskead.

Purples and Golds

All these desolate days
and promises made,
I'm quite certain they don't mean a damn thing.
I can't give back the nights
or take back the fights,
and I can't forget this damn ring
and the sadness it brings.

All the purples and golds
the to have's and to hold's
are no longer a part of my life.
I'll walk on alone
to my own lifeless throne
because I've lost my will to survive.

When I hum out a tune
from June until June
I'm giving out my last goodbyes
to the sun and the moon
and the flowers that bloom.
I'm coming back girl, to your side.

The fire still burns
and this god damn world turns
with one last cursed soul to provide.
All our secrets and touches
I miss you so much kid.
I hope you hear my last dying cry.

All the purples and golds
the to have's and to hold's
are no longer a part of my life.
I'll walk on alone
to my own lifeless throne
because I've lost my will to survive.

It's easy what we dream of.
It's easy to lose it all.

It's sad that she is so happy

It's sad that she's so happy.
It's sad that she's so happy.
It's sad that she's so happy
with me.

Well I sank the lifeboat of the fathers
snatched the necklace from the mothers
and coveted your lovely daughters.
I stole her for me.

We've found the circumstance unwanted.
Authorities have claimed me hunted.
But they will never find our bodies
because we are innocent on our own.

We've talked about it and don't give a damn.
We stole these moments for ourselves.
They can steal them back if they're intended.
They'll need to fight for it.

In the end we'll need each other.
Hate each other for the running.
Hate your father.
Hate your mother.
Love the family that we've started.

We'll sink the boats
and steal our futures.

Life is just a moment.
A short breathe between love and death.

And I'll love you till the day die.
And I'll love you when I'm dead and gone.

Miisha loses a tap shoe

It had been the best Wednesday of my life, so far. Hell, it had been the best three years of my life. I had been there to see my brother commit himself to something and push himself at life for the first time since his crash. I had realized exotic dreams don't make life, well, life, but it's found in the simplest places and in the best people. I had forgiven my parents for leaving us so young. I had met a girl, and for some reason she loved me. I had loved her back.

I could go on for ages about how much Rowland had meant to me, and how much I would miss our time at the docks. I could write a book about about how much Polkie was of the greatest sort of friends, the one's who know to leave you when you need to be left and know to be there when you need them. Only the best of friends. I could die three times over telling you how much love I have for Miisha, and how I would kill to see her just one more time. But. I won't. Love dies. She dies. I die.

Before the last of us died it was Miisha that gave one last chortle of defiance to the night. And as it went into the night and into the ears of all who were listening, it changed nothing. Not one thing. It was a beautiful way to die though, like an honorary death at the end of a good war movie, but it wasn't a movie, and death was final. I was glad to be the last of us who heard her final cry. She said, simply, "Life."

That is what she always hoped for and that is what she always gave me. Life. I just hope I gave her the same. It had been ten minutes into our flight. She had kissed me a hundred times over already and I had done the same to her. I had my arm and part of my body over hers, it was the only way we would fit on the roof, and it made me feel like I was protecting her, even though I couldn't. We were less than two minutes from Leonards and about to pass the second to last intersection. It was a bad intersection, blind coming up over a hill.

There were no goodbyes to Polkie and Rowland from the two of us, but they knew they were in our hearts. There was no docks later that night, even though Rowland brought me there every Thursday morning in the form of a picture, a picture of Miisha and me, until he died fourteen years later at the age of forty one. He died at the docks. Two kids shot him and stole his wallet. He had thirty seven dollars in it and a picture of his wife. There was no wedding, even though Rowland asked people to wear their wedding outfits to the funeral, which most of them did. There were no apologies and absolutely no regrets.

Twelve seconds before it happened I told Miisha I could die that day and I would have had a happy life. "Please don't! I need you!" We had to yell to hear one another. She had never looked so perfect as she did right then. "Miisha. How much do you love me?!" " A LOT!!" "That's not enough!." We were going to kiss when it happened. We never did get that last kiss.

Sheridan was the one that hit us, or he was pulling out when Rowland hit him on the drivers side. He died upon collision, broken neck. He had forgotten the present and was running late back to Leonards because he had to drive back and pick it up. He always wanted things right for people. He was always looking out, that's why people liked him so much. We were both on top of the car when it happened. Rowland was driving. Polkie was in the passenger seat.

I could feel her on what was left of my right arm and torso. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even feel anything to breathe from. I could just see her. The back of her head. Her legs were all twisted and one of her tap shoes was gone. When she turned to look at me blood came down from her nose, from her hair between her eyes, and spilled from the right corner of her mouth. Somehow she grabbed for my left hand. Somehow I gave it to her. She held it the way she does. The blood from her hair started to run over her lazy eye and drip from its lashes. She didn't blink once. She just looked at me, bloody, brokenly, and with all the love of the world.

"Life." It changed nothing, but it was everything.

I fly with Miisha

"You can't hold on forever Miisha." "Oh yes you can. I will. I'll show you you can." "It was a dream Miisha. Look. I am fine." "Please don't go today. Today you shouldn't leave me. Not today." I could see in her eyes she was scared. Her hands were shaking as she held mine. Her whole body was tense and worried. She felt cold. "Miisha I would never leave you. Especially not today." I had to call Rowland and tell him that we wouldn't be working today. He was fine with it. So was Polkie. "We'll see you tonight then, at Leonards?" "Yeah Rowland. Hey do you and Polkie want to have dinner with us? We were going to eat at the house." "It's not finished." "I know Rowland. I'm there everyday. Miisha and I are setting it up on the outdoor table." "Sure man. Sounds good." "Oh and Rowland don't take Polkie's truck, take your car." "Whatever."

I made Miisha a huge breakfast with eggs, and toast, muffins, and juice, a piece of blueberry pie, bacon, and a grapefruit. I needed to go to the store for milk, so the eggs would be fluffy, a trick my mother taught me when I was younger. "I'm coming with you." "Miisha it's suppose to be breakfast in bed. You are suppose to stay in bed." "I'll get back in bed when we get back. I promise." I rolled my eyes at her and she mouthed 'please' back to me. She would always win. I'm glad she never figured it out, but she was too damn wonderful to say no to. I shook my head no, but I was smiling and she knew she had me. "Good. Let me get some clothes and grab an umbrella." "Miisha it's not raining. Actually there is not one cloud in the sky." I stuck my head to the window to make sure I wasn't lying. I do not like to lie. I wasn't. "I know but it looks good with my shoes." She had me there. It did look good with her shoes. Tap shoes. She winked her crooked little eye at me and gave me a glancing kiss. She put her tap shoes on before her clothes. She drives me mad.

On the way to the store for milk she made me stop and buy her flowers. We were walking and passed a little flower stand. I would have bought them anyway. "Flowers for the soon to be Mrs. Me." "I know. Two more days and I will be Mrs. You. Well. Mrs. Miisha You." "I'd tell you to keep your own surname, but I don't know it Miisha. And I don't care." "Well you will have to. My parents are flying in tomorrow. We are meeting them at their hotel. You'll know then." I handed her her flowers and she smelled every last one of them. I only bought her two. She blushed anyhow. She would do that. Even though she knew she would get them, she would show her thanks with a blush and a kiss.

When we returned to her apartment I made her go straight back to bed. She refused and stood behind me and wrapped her arms around my waste. Her head only came up to the bottom of my shoulders, and she rested it there for a while whilst I chopped up vegetables and scrambled eggs. She raised her hands to my chest. I touched the back of her hands lightly, at first, and then pulled her left hand slowly down, and put it on the counter. "If you don't go to bed Miisha I'm going to chop these little fingers off and cook them with the eggs." "Go for it. I don't need them." "Miisha please go." "Nope you're stuck with me. Forever." "If you don't go back to bed I won't give you your present later." "Yes you will. Don't lie." She was right I would. The present was for the both of us, but she didn't know that. And it wasn't a lie because she knew it wasn't a real threat. Technically it was lie, but we both knew it. "Fine. I'm going to bed then, and you can cook." Before I could even turn around she was running for the bed. I heard the puff and flutter of the sheets when she jumped in. Then she called "No way you promised me breakfast in bed!"

She ate everything except the grapefruit. I knew she didn't like them. Anyhow, I cut it up for myself. Grapefruit was one of my favorite foods to eat. I think because Rowland hated them. I didn't like them at first, but when I knew Rowland hated them I forced myself to like them until I actually did. Man, a fresh grapefruit with some raw sugar sprinkled over top, forcing every little wedge of meat out with a spoon, then drinking the juice out and getting little sugar crystals on the corners of your mouth and licking them off, grapefruit is great.

"That was delicious Sir. Thank you." "You are most welcome Miisha. Now finish your juice." I knew she wouldn't. She never finished the last sip of any drink. It wasn't because she thought it was full of spit or anything, or that it was considered rude to finish it completely because it showed she wasn't given enough, it was because she liked to pour the last of everything down the drain. She said that drains were lazy and she was just helping them stay in a finer form. She would have been the reason my kids wouldn't watch television when they were young, so they could be interesting and playfully entertaining, and so damn awkwardly cute. "Yeah right. That fat old drain hasn't done anything in days. No thanks to you wanting to eat food out all the time."

She was right. I loved to cook, and make fancy foods, and entertain people with fine dining and foreign wines and beer, but only on occasion. I absolutely enjoyed having someone else cook and entertain for me, and Miisha wasn't top chef, and she knew it, so we went out a good amount of the time. We were both pub people, greasy burgers or nachos, potato wedges or chili, all the foods that are suppose to make you fat but just make you feel good. Although, we did enjoy spiffing up a bit, well I did, Miisha always dressed nicely for everything, or at least dressed in something that the majority around us wouldn't wear. I liked to look nice if I could pull it off. We would go to fancy restaurants sometimes and order the most expensive food and priciest bottles of wine for a kick. I would wear a nice suit, or even rent a nicer suit if I really felt like shining. I would never really shine though, not next to her. At least not to me.

Miisha liked it when I wore a scarf, preferably a brown or dark green scarf, they were her two favorite colors. She said it made me look like a real gentleman, like from the twenties. She asked me if I would wear a scarf to dinner. I told her only if we could dress up real fancy. She said only if she could wear my coat and I would play her her song again. She adored one of my coats. I only had two. One was a waterproof zip up jumper, a faded black color, and the other was a neck to thigh length velvet textured overcoat with big gold buttons. It was brown and purple. She loved to wear it because it would go down to her knees. And she said it smelled like me. I said only if you wear your hat and your tap shoes. "Done." "Done."

We spent the rest of the day being in love, as sick and stupid as it sounds, as two nearly married people were suppose to be in love. We went on two more walks. Each time I would buy her two more flowers. She would smell them both, blush, and kiss me. The first walk was for lunch. We bought some submarine sandwiches from Gresham Halden who owned Gresham's Deli just down the street from Miisha's apartment. They weren't the best submarine sandwiches but Miisha really like Gresham so we would give him our support. We ate down by the docks. The second walk was to buy some food for dinner for the four of us and to pick up a package at the local print store.

Miisha and I wanted to hand out our little wedding gifts for guests at our joined bachelor and bachelorette parties, or hens and bucks nights, whatever you call them. It was that night at Leonards. I think Rowland, Polkie, and Miisha's closest girlfriend and Maid of Honor Amaryllis Page, whom she met three years ago when Miisha first came over for a term at the University, were setting it up, but since Rowland and Polkie were having dinner with us, Amaryllis, or Mary as she liked it, was doing most of the leg work. The two of them became great friends. Polkie and her actually started seeing one another a few months earlier to my chagrin, and Miisha's absolute enjoyment. I don't like seeing Polkie get hurt and when it comes to relationships he usually is the one hurt. But in this instance I didn't want to see either one of them get hurt, so I was pleased it seemed to be going well.

I had written a small poem for each one of our invited guests, some more personal than others because I hadn't even met all of them yet, Miisha's parents in particular. Miisha sketched an individual picture for everyone, something that reminded her of each person, and we took them to the print shop three days earlier to get individual thank you cards printed out. Black and white only. We spent the rest of the afternoon looking at each card and writing our 'thank yous' and our 'loves' to each person, packed our dinner in our travelling picnic basket, dressed all fancy, and drove to the property.

Miisha looked stunning. Her hair came about five inches down from the bottom of her brown hat. She had a three quarter length satin blue dress on with a golden sash tied around her waste, covered by my knee length coat and topped off with her tap shoes, which she fixed a little pink bowed ribbon to the top of each one. I was wearing a midnight purplish bluish suit, with a light pink collared shirt undone two buttons down, with a once wrapped scarf, a golfers cap, a small pink flower pinned to my pocket, and white sneakers. Miisha made me wear the sneakers. We both thought it was funny we didn't tell Rowland or Polkie it was a fancy dinner.

Miisha and I were finishing setting up the meal when Rowland and Polkie were pulling into the property. They pulled up with headlights shining on the outdoor presentation. "Well don't you two look dashing!" "Thanks Polkie!" Miisha yelled back. "Check out his shoes." She said to Rowland. Miisha loved it when people had sneakers on with fancy suits, she said it looked confusing and funny. "We didn't know it was a dress up party." "Well Rowland, we didn't tell you it was."

The dinner was lovely, the wine was even better, the company was the best. I played Miisha's song and again she kissed me before I was finished. Polkie and Rowland were just surprised that she liked it since I called her a crooked eye girl so many times, but Miisha new I thought she was hopelessly beautiful. "I hope Sheridan doesn't forget the gift." "What gift Rowland?" "Oh nothing Miisha, just a little something Polkie and I got for you two. Sheridan was holding it so you two wouldn't see it at our place." Polkie and Rowland had rented an apartment together about a year back. Since we were working on the house and all it was just easier for them to start their day in the same place. "Oh is that so Rowland? Polkie?" "What is it? What is it?" "Calm down Miisha. You'll see it at Leonards. It's nearly ten. We can leave now and get there a little early." "OK. Rowland you're driving. Polkie you're riding in the front. Miisha my love, your present, you're flying there. With me."

Sheridan was running late. We were a little early. Polkie and Rowland had made us a 'Just Married, but Forever In Love' sign to hang above our bed in the house. Miisha would have loved it. We never got to see it.

Miisha finds her hat

I have always known i wouldn't live to be thirty. I have dreamed about it since I was a little kid. My parents hated it when I told them. So did Rowland. The dreams weren't that I would die young, but I even had dreams about my thirtieth birthday, well actually the day before, but I would never wake up on the day of. I would die all kinds of ways, hit by a car, falling off a building, shot saving people, sometimes just shot, attacked by animals, even killed by my own mother. I have always known i wouldn't live to be thirty, but I did at least think I would make it to twenty six.

I had asked Miisha to marry me. I had known her for nearly two and one half years and there was no one else I would want to spend my most miserable days with. I knew she didn't think much of marriage, she told me on the first night I talked to her that she would never get married because she didn't need a legal contract to show her love for someone. I didn't expect her to answer, hell I didn't even expect to ask. I hadn't thought about it in the front of my mind before I did. We were just talking about how much she liked sketching more than painting, except when she is working with flowers, and if I would pick some blueberries with her the next day. I was sitting on our favorite bench and she was lying down with her head on my lap and reaching up and scratching my chin. She loved it when I grew a little facial hair. She had on a knee length dress and was wearing a green and blue vest over it. She had her hair tied in a knot under her chin for some reason. Her legs were hanging over the arm rest of the bench, leaving little red lines on her calves where they hung. I just looked down at her and asked. She looked right back up at me. Wrinkled her nose and perched her lips a bit, "I would love too."

She didn't want to rush off and call her parents or tell her friends. I had no need to call Rowland or Polkie. We stayed there silent for another twenty minutes or so, and then we got right back into our conversation about where we would go for blueberries and if we wanted to collect them for a pie or just eat them off the bush. We did both, but the pie had to be small. Miisha loves blueberries.

The house was coming along slowly, we were just finishing the framing for the second floor. It had taken us months to frame the first floor, Rowland's floor, and I had never seen Rowland so content and determined before. The property was filled with a maze of stone pathways and little stone fenced gardens that Miisha had made. The landscaping did look phenomenal for a house that wasn't even built yet. We didn't pave the driveway but we did pave a small path along the length of it to the road and letter box so Rowland could get to it. We were pleased with our efforts, and glad to be spending so much time together.

I asked Rowland to be my best man in the wedding that October. He told me he was insulted that I asked, he thougt the job was already his. It was. That's how it went for the next few months. Miisha and I, and Rowland, and Polkie sometimes, just being alive ad being together. It was so simple. It was so nice.

"You've got a good thing going." "Yeah so do you Rowland." I had brought a six pack of Rowlands favorite beers to the docks for our Thursday morning time together, we had already decided to take the next day off of any heavy work. I handed him a beer and laid down with my legs hanging off of the docks. I folded my hands behind my head for a little extra cushion. "I won't live in the house if you don't want me to man." "Bullshit Rowland. That is our house. I'll burn it down if you're not going to live there." "I don't want to be in the way man. I can take care of myself." "Rowland you could take care of yourself since you were six man. And you are never in the way." "Well, I just know I need you more than you need me, and I don't want to...." I sat up quickly. "You're wrong already Rowland. That's shit. You don't need anybody, you hear me." I laid my head back down, "Besides, Miisha won't let me get rid of you anyway. She likes you too much Rowland." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "You think there is another one out there like her?" "No way man. Never."

Rowland felt like getting a little loose and flying. I went back to Miisha's and grabbed a few more beers. I woke her up and asked if she wanted to go on a drive in one half hour. "Should I bring a hat?" "If you want to Miisha. Just meet Rowland and I at the docks in one half hour." Miisha was two minutes late but we were in no rush. Rowland had finished the other two beers and got in the back seat of the car. I sat in the front with Miisha. She had just wrapped the blanket around her, put on her tap shoes, and a hat."You look lovely Miisha." "Thanks Rowland." "Leave it Rowland, find your own. It is a nice hat though. You have any clothes on under that blanket?" "No time for clothes after I found my hat."

We got to our favorite place to fly. It was an old dirt road between two cow farms a few miles down from our property. Rowland had never went flying before, and I was a bit hesitant to let him, he was a bit loose. He insisted upon it and tried to guilt trip me with the poor boy in a wheelchair approach. I told him to shove it, and if he could get himself on top of the car then he could fly. It took him less than two minutes. I told Miisha to go very slow. She told me no and took off like a bullet. "Let him fly." After about five minutes Rowland started banging on the roof so Miisha stopped the car, a little bit to quickly though.

Rowland slid forward on the roof until we could see his eyes looking in through the windshield of Miisha's car. "The sun is rising." "We can see that Rowland." "I think I crapped my pants." "That's too bad Rowland." "Miisha. Drive faster." After Rowland pulled himself back up on the roof she took off again, even faster. I just sat there shaking my head at her and laughing as she pushed those tap shoes down on the accelerator.

After the sun was fully up Miisha let Rowland back in the car. He didn't crap his pants which was good for all three of us. Miisha drove Rowland back to his apartment and then us back to hers. We walked up to her building, and then I carried her up the stairs. We slept in each others arms for the next four hours. Miisha kept her hat on. Two weeks and two days later we were meant to get married.

Almost two weeks to the day later was the day we died.

Ballad of Miisha

crooked eye girl.
i'm so glad i found you.
i'm so glad you found me too.

crooked eye girl.
i'm so pleased to meet you.
pleased to greet you,
everyday.

you fly when you're caught up.
you fly when you need a breathe of air.
you've sketched the picture
of the life i want to live.

crooked eye girl.
you came from far away.
and decided to stay.

crooked eye girl.
you've made it simple to be.
you've made it simple for me,
life.

you fly when you're caught up.
you fly when you need a breathe of air.
you've sketched the picture
of the life i want to live.

crooked eye girl.
you've got your name from a bear.

crooked eye girl.
you've got your name from a bear.
a cute little bear.

you fly when you're caught up.
you fly when you need a breathe of air.
you've sketched the picture
of the life i want to live.

crooked eye girl.
you drive me mad.
you drive me mad.
you drive me mad.
Life.

Miisha builds a path

I was thirteen when I got my first job. It wasn't a high paying job, but I made a few bucks out of it. I worked for a professional woodworker, Lambert Counsel, who lived on the same road as I did. He worked from home, in the shop he had made in the lower level of his house. He made everything from furniture to wooden toys, from cups and goblets to end tables and head boards for fancy beds. He lived with his wife Ka. I thought Ka was a fantastic woman. She would always tell me stories of when she was younger. Her English wasn't all that good but I could still follow her. Her father was Dutch and her mother was Korean. "No bigger than a peanut." She would tell me. She wasn't that much bigger than a peanut herself.

Ka didn't work, or at least for money, she spent her days cleaning or rearranging the house and working outside in her gardens. She had three gardens. One, a vegetable garden, and she would always give me something to bring back to my parents when I left. The second garden was for exotic plants. That garden was always a work in progress because most of the plants would die every year when the seasons changed. Ka never moved the plants inside, she was insistent on trying to nurture them through the cold. They always died, and every spring she would replant and try again and again. The third garden was my favorite. It was a rock and sand garden. That was it. Rocks and sand. Ka would move the rocks around every now and again when she felt it needed to be done. She wouldn't let anyone else in that garden, only her, so I always had to see it from outside the surrounding little fence. I did sneak a touch of the sand one day when she wasn't looking. It was very fine, soft sand.

My job was easy. Since Lambert, or Mr. C, as I called him didn't allow Ka in his shop, which I think was because she wouldn't allow him in her rock and sand garden, I was the one who would clean and organize. Mr. C. used every little scrap of wood for something, he even made me collect all of the shavings, he would sell as little fire starters during the winter. All of the pieces had their own pile to be organized in depending on size, type of wood, and color. It was an easy job, and Mr. C. could sure do it himself if he wanted, but I think he just enjoyed the company and bossing someone around. Ka and he didn't have any kids so he never had the chance to make his own kids do little chores for him, so he hired one out. Me.

I worked for him for three and one half years before my parents died, and then after that I would only visit he and Ka from time to time. On my eighteenth birthday Mr. C. and Ka wanted me to come for a quick visit because he said he wanted to give me something. Ka gave me a hug, told me she was proud of me, told me happy birthday, and gave me a bundle of vegetables. She was real happy with the way she arranged them, like a flower bouquet. I told her thanks and she was pleased with her gift. Mr. C. took me out into his shop, he didn't let Ka come, that made her a bit sore, so she ran off to her rock and sand garden in protest. Mr. C. had made me a guitar. He told me it took him nearly four months to do it. He had never made one before and he wanted it to be perfect. He used a rosewood from South America for the base of it and black walnut for the neck. It was stunning. It even had my name on the side of the base in black walnut. it looked really good with the rosewood acting as a frame.

I didn't play guitar, but Mr. C. said it would be a good thing for me too learn. He said he heard from a close friend of his that playing music was a good way to cleanse the soul and the mind. I started to play a few months later. The guitar had a beautiful sound, I was told this many times by people who actually knew about them and played them often. It also had a hollow echo that made the sound resonate and sound like a choir, just an amazing work of art, a piece made by a superb craftsman, and a good friend.

Miisha didn't play the guitar, she didn't play any instruments besides her voice and her tap shoes, which she would seldom take off. She tapped those things around all the time. She thought they were the coolest thing, and she could make some pretty good rhythms with them as well. She didn't play the guitar but she very much enjoyed holding it. She said she could smell South America when she smelled the rosewood. She had been there for a few months with her family when she was younger, and she said the smell of the guitar would bring her back there. I just liked watching her be herself and do whatever it was that she would do. I would think about what I would smell in twenty years that would bring me back to remembering how wonderful she was, and I hoped that it would be her.

It had been just over a year since Rowland and I had bought the twenty acre property from Crispin's family. There was a lot more about building a house than Rowland and I had planned on, so we did have to hire some people out to get us started. It took us months just to agree on a design and layout for it so that we could have plans drafted up. We hired a man named Ward Keanan to be our consultant and contact for getting all of the zoning permits, and building permits, and all of the other legal crap we had to do before we could start building. After we had all of the permits and paperwork sorted we hired some local builder Lawrence Cateer from Lawrence and Sons Builders to lay the foundation for us and Andrew Hilthred from All Clear Leach System Installment and Rejuvenation to get the leach field all taken care of.

It was early April. The rivers were full with melt off from the winter and the spring rains. Fields and trees were in the early stages of getting there color back. We decided that we wanted to keep the driveway dirt and on the way to the property Rowland, Polkie, Miisha, and myself got stuck in a mud slick just before we reached the foundation. "We've got to do something about this driveway man. it's the second time we've got stuck here this week." "We have got to get you a better car. We'll get it filled in Rowland. Don't worry man. It's your turn." "What do you mean it's my turn?" "I pushed last time Rowland. It's your turn." Polkie started laughing. Miisha pinched my arm and shook her head, and then gave me a hidden smile. "Piss off man. I can't push the damn thing." "Fine Rowland. I'll do it again." "I'll push it." Miisha said. "It's OK Miisha. I was just giving Rowland a hard time." "No I want to try." "Alright well I'll help you." "NO. Stay in the car." She pointed at my seat. "Yes maam."

She had to crawl over me so that she could get out on my side. Her side was surrounded by a foot of mud and water. When she got out of the car she stood up straight and fixed her outfit. She had on a big fluffy sweater. It was brown and green and went all the way up to her chin. She had on a knee high skirt, an ugly beige and brown color that looked as if it had been made out of curtains from a 1950s grandmother's one story home, and big pink rubber boots on. She, as always, looked ridiculous and beautiful. "You really gonna let her push man?" "You heard her Polkie. She told me to stay in the car."

"OK. Miisha. I'm going to try and rock it back and forth for a second, and then you push from the left side. OK?" Miisha responded with a salute to Rowland and went and stood behind the car. "Did she just salute me?" "I believe she did Rowland." "She is something else." Rowland rocked the car back and forth and then Miisha tried to push us out. Polkie and I turned around to watch her, but she was gone before I could see. "Where is she?" Rowland started laughing. "I think she fell man." Polkie started laughing. We saw her stand up absolutely covered in mud. I started laughing. Miisha started trying to push again. And again she fell. I rolled my window down and stuck my head out. "Miisha. Would you like some help?" "Yes please."

When I walked to the back of the car Miisha was just sitting in the mud. She had mud on her ugly skirt, on her sweater, and some on her face where she was trying to wipe a tear away but had mud on her hands and sleeves. She even had mud inside of her left pink rubber boot. "Hey there beautiful. Let me help you up." I stood her up and wiped the mud off of her face. She was half crying and half starting to laugh a bit. "I couldn't push the stupid thing." "Sure you could. I saw you push it. It just pushed you back." Now she was more laughing than crying. "Miisha come on I need your help." We pushed while Rowland rocked and we managed to get the car unstuck. "Hop in you two. thanks." "It's fine Rowland. We'll walk from here." "Suit yourself." Rowland stepped the gas hard and kicked mud up at Miisha and myself. We both started laughing.

The rest of the day we spent kind of just hanging out, the four of us. Polkie, Rowland, and myself started arranging the lumber for the floor joists and the stairs going down into the basement. Really, we didn't know much about what we were doing, but over the next few months we started figuring it all out. Miisha walked around the property collecting stones. She thought it would be nice to have a stone lined walkway up to the house from the driveway. At the end of the day, the three of us looked puzzled, and she had created a beautiful entrance way. She was quite the productive little thing. "That looks great Miisha." "It does Rowland. Glad you like it." "Maybe we'll put you in charge of building the house tomorrow, and we'll just get out of your way. I bet it would be done in two weeks." "Maybe three weeks Rowland." Miisha said.

We all sat down at the table we had brought for sitting down at. We had our sandwiches I had made that morning and shared a jug of beer, a local beer sold growler style. Polkie and Rowland left just before sunset in Rowland's car. "See you later man." "See you later Rowland. Take care Polkie. See you tomorrow." I had left my truck there the day before, so Miisha and I sat at the table and watched the sunset before we left. It went down just behind Montgomery Hill, like it always did at that time of year. I told Miisha I wanted to play her the song I had been writing. It was about her. I took my guitar out, and after Miisha gave it a smell, I played her the song. She kissed me before I could even finish the last verse.

I showed her I loved her. I drove her back to her apartment and showed her I loved her again. Then, I was off to the docks, It was a Wednesday night. Miisha walked me there.

Miisha learns to fly

Miisha loved me. this I know. I could see it in her, in the way she treated me, in the way we were together. We never talked about it all that much. I mean we'd say it sometimes, but we didn't need to talk about it. When we did I found it kind of funny. Miisha would always relate it to the most important things in life for her. Love wouldn't even make the top five of her list. I was in the top five. I was number four actually, just in front of children with red hair, and behind the wind, graham crackers, and Life. I adored her honesty.

It had been just over a year since i had first met Miisha in that little arts store. She had transferred to the University to finish her degree, and so that we could be close. She made the decision to stay with me, a decision I thanked her for everyday. It was warm for a January day when I gave her one of the best presents I could think of giving her. She loved it and it became one of her most favorite things to do.

We were driving to a beach. I had borrowed Rowlands car because I needed a car for the present. I packed the back up with wood and a blanket. We ended up having a fire on the beach, which was perfect because the nighttime air was much cooler than the days. About ten minutes before we reached the parking for the beach I pulled the car over. "What's up?" "Miisha I would like to give you something." "OK. What is it?" "Get on the roof and hold on." She looked a bit puzzled at first, but then slipped out the window and onto the roof. She leaned down and knocked on my window. I rolled it down and she kissed my forehead. I would never forget the way her hair looked as it stretched for the ground, and I could smell her in the cool winter air. It was a good smell.

She screamed and laughed the entire way to the beach. When I stopped she jumped off of the roof and opened my door for me. She had tears in her eyes, two kinds of tears. Some from the wind and cold air, and some from her happiness. She spun me around and we danced for a few moments. She put her lips to my ear and breathed warm and hard. "Life. You've given it to me." She had done the same.

The fire we made was nice. The blanket we sat on was comfortable. The night was clear and full of winter stars. The ocean made sweet song. The girl was perfect.

Miisha kills a raccoon

"She didn't have a real name. I was to young to think of a good one for her. She had a tag on her that said Share a Bear. It was for some children's organization my mother was a part of when I was younger. She thought I needed something to sleep with at night. She had heard somewhere that infants like companions when they sleep, like a special blanket or toy or something. Something they learn to be comfortable around. My mom got me a Share a Bare. Am I talking to fast?"

Miisha was talking a bit fast. I hadn't ever heard her talk so fast before. She must have been wanting to tell me about her name for a while because she seemed eager to get it all out at once. I thought it was interesting that her name came from a little bear, but I was also enjoying the night, and her, and the walk, that I wasn't fully keeping up.

She sat me down on the side of the path we would walk from Leonards to her apartment. Before we sat down she asked me to help her kick a pile of leaves together. It was getting to that time of year so there were plenty of leaves. We made a small pile and though the leaves were a bit damp we sat in the middle of them, pushing the sides of the pile out in a gust. "OK. So I had the Share the Bear to sleep with. I couldn't speak really at the time so my parents just took to calling it Share." She leaned in and kissed me twice and then took my right hand. As she was telling me the rest of the story she was running her fingers over where I once had a right little finger, It felt supremely weird, but not fully uncomfortable so I let her continue.

"When I was a bit older I couldn't really say Share all that well. I could only say Sha. Sha, that's it." "Sha?" "Yeah. Sha." She seemed pleased with her story so far, and I myself was becoming more and more involved with it. I could also smell the leaves. They were in the decaying cycle of their lives, and since we rushed them together in a frenzied little pile we had scuffed them up a bit to release their decaying smell. It was one of my all time favorite smells. It took me back to when I was little and would jump into leaf piles after I had made them. I would breathe in so deep when I was buried that I could barely breathe and would cough a lot, but I didn't mind the coughing. I loved the smell and the bitter taste of the decaying.

I use to do that all the time when I was really young. I stopped making piles of leaves though when I was about eight. It was because after I made a pile one day I ran inside for a glass of water. After I came and jumped in the leaves, when I was buried, I was bit on the face three times by a snake. It wasn't poisonous or anything, but it scared me. When I stood up it was still hanging from my face from the last bite and then let go. I was so scarred I almost cried. Rowland was there. When he saw I was about to cry he threw two acorns at me and one hit me on the face.

I lost whatever calm I had left and screamed and ran at Rowland. I jumped on him and hit him as hard as I could a few times. When he got away he ran inside our house and told my parents. I was punished for two weeks for that. I never made a pile of leaves again. I didn't find out until I was nineteen, about two years after Rowland's accident that Rowland threw the snake in the leaves. We were drinking one night, and he was just sitting there staring at me a bit funny. A bit sad. I asked him why he looked so sad. He told me he did it, and he apologized. He said he had felt bad for it for years. I felt so bad that he felt so bad I couldn't even get mad. I forgave him on the spot, but then called him a jerk for calling me a wuss when Oswyn beat me up. He didn't apologize.

"I also called toys and stuff that were mine by saying me. Like 'me blank' 'me ball' 'me Sha' and that's kind of how it started. My dog picked up Share one day and wouldn't put it down. When I tried to take it away my dog bit me. I started crying and saying 'me Sha' 'me Sha' over and over. My mother told me when she got the bear back and gave it to me I held it so close, crying, saying 'me Sha' for hours. And when I could speak a little bit better Mesha became the bears official name." Her head dropped a little and I could see she was looking a bit sad. 'What's wrong Miisha?" "Nothing. I just miss that bear. I lost it when I was five. I told my parents that i wanted to be called Mesha because I missed my bear so much." "And they changed your name?" "No. But Mesha became the name they called me, and I told my friends to call me. And when I was in school my teachers. And since then it has been Mesha. When I was in fourth grade though I changed the spelling to Miisha because I thought it looked cooler. And since it's OK to change the spelling of a name that isn't even your real birth name. I did."

She came closer this time and kissed me again, for a bit longer. I pushed her back just a little so I could see her face. I moved the hair away from her eyes, and stared at her in the moonlight for a moment. I kissed her once more. "Well Miisha. We better get you home." I helped her from the leaf pile back to her feet. I brushed the leaves off that had stuck to her sweater, and she returned the favor for me. She grabbed my left hand the way she does and we walked back to her apartment without a word.

When we were at her door I told her about Rowland and his idea for building a house. Miisha told me that I should do it. I should help Rowland and be there for him. She told me that she couldn't wait until it was finished so she could see it and sketch some pictures of it. She even asked that if she made some art projects if I would put them in the house. I told her if the house stands up she could put whatever she wanted in it. We talked like hopeless romantics for another ten minutes, planning out walls, and stone gardens, and a good place for a swing. "You won't be here though. When do you go back to your University?" "When isn't what I've been thinking. I've had the question why in my head for the last few weeks." With this she kissed me and started for her door.

"Don't you want to know?" She asked when I was walking away. "I already do. It's Miisha. Spelled that way because it's cool." "Well my birth certificate says it's..........." She shut the door. I wasn't listening anyway.

I was on my way to meet Polkie when a thought came into my mind. And the thought turned into a belief instantly. I loved her. I gunned the truck around. I loved her. It happened so quickly. I had never been in love before, and I knew this now, because now I was. The blue lights came on behind me just before I hit the raccoon. I pulled over about fifty feet from its dying carcass. I jumped out of the car to see what had happened when the officer yelled at me to sit back in my vehicle.

It took about five minutes to come to the car door. "What caused you to do an illegal driving maneuver in the middle of a two lane street Sir?" "You wouldn't believe me officer." "Try me. It better be good because what you did was illegal." I was very hesitant to tell this guy actually why I illegally turned around in the street. It was nearly one in the morning and I hadn't seen a car in over fifteen minutes. I thought it was completely safe, except for the raccoon and all. "Sir I asked you a question. What caused you to do an illegal driv..." "Love." "Have you been drinking tonight sir?" "No." He didn't believe me and made me go through all the road sobriety tests, which I passed, and even made me blow into a breathalyzer, which I passed. He gave me a ticket for my 'aggressive and reckless' driving. "You know that could have been a child you hit. Did you ever think of that?" "No sir." "Well next time you should. It could have been a child." I read his badge as he walked away. D. Hanskead. Officer D. Hanskead.

What kind of child would be wondering on a street at one in the morning? I thought Officer D. Hanskead was just another jerk cop who was paid based on the amount of citations he ordered out. When I think back on it he seemed a bit upset with the whole situation. Poor guy probably had a mean wife or something, or a jerk father, whatever it is that makes people unpleasant to be around. Officer D. Hanskead had that unpleasantness.

When I returned to Miisha's apartment I could see that all of her lights were off. I imagined how beautiful she must look sleeping in her bed. She liked it cold when she slept but didn't like fans or air conditioning. She probably had her window down for the chill. I didn't call up to her or bother her or anything. I parked my truck and fell asleep. I didn't tell Miisha for another month how I felt, but she already knew. Lucky for me, she told me she felt the same. She said she was going to tell me when we were in the leaves, but she was telling a story. She said she tried to by stopping and kissing me a few times to show me. She told me it is more important to show someone that you love them more than just saying it.

Around Christmas time I only gave her one present. She gave me six. Girls always seem to out do me. It took me three weeks to find it. I wrapped it myself, and I was pretty proud of the wrapping. She didn't notice it as she ripped it to pieces. She said she loved ripping the paper up into little bits and then throwing the bits into the air. I watched her as she did it. She opened the box and started to cry. "It's not the same color." I didn't know what to say to that. It was an interesting response, but it meant nothing, she was just remembering. She cried more and then jumped on me and wrapped herself around me. "That is love. That is how you show it." She said. Those damn Share a Bear's hadn't been made in fourteen years, and only in North Dakota.

Miisha and a cute little bear

It was three weeks before the final bandages could come off of my right hand. Rowland exaggerated a bit when he told me I only had three fingers now on my right hand. The bullet caught mostly the little finger. I still had four fingers there, though the right ring finger wasn't the same at it's base. The hand itself looked a bit weird, but I could still use it, still hold a stein in it, still use it for good. You couldn't see much of a scar under my eye. I was a touch bummed out about that, a scar on the face isn't all that bad, but the doctors did quite the job limiting the chance of it. My arm had a nice scar though, the knife didn't go in straight so you could definitely tell something happened. In all, I was back to my normal self physically, and a little bit stronger mentally.

Rowland had been waiting for me to finish my degree before we decided what to do with the inheritance and insurance money from my parents death, and since I had dropped out I think he thought it was time. We always talked of these grand plans to travel the world, sailing, buying a car and driving it from Europe to somewhere in Africa, dog sledding in the Yukon Territory, riding the Trans Siberian Railway for a while, mostly stuff we read in books that we thought would be good to check out. We were kind of over those dreams by then. Rowland would get upset when he thought about them, and how he wouldn't be able to do exactly what he wanted because of his legs. I always told him he could do anything, it's just that he didn't always believe me anymore.

He asked me what I wanted to do. I told him something simple, something great and worth doing, but nothing to absurd, nothing too far fetched. I had plans of my own someday, I did want to travel and have absurd adventures, have experiences not many people could have, maybe to be the first to do something. Rowland and Miisha showed me in the next three years that I didn't need those high hopes to live. That something simple like making a decision, one that I held belief in, and one that I stuck with could show me to live.

It was over a beer one night at Leonards when the decision was made. It was an open mic night and I had just played three songs for the forty something sized crowd. Rowland actually accompanied me with the first song, it was a song we wrote together about two years earlier. Rowland played the washboard. It was his favorite instrument. It was a percussion instrument he would sometimes play by scratching thimbles, spoon handles, or a whisk broom across the ribbed metal surface. It all depended on the sound he wanted. But lately he found a pair of metal mesh gloves, like some people wear when they are dealing with really sharp knives, and fell in love with them. They make the most incredible sound when he brushes them like mad, and since he didn't need to hold anything he loves them even more. He would even set up a few symbols around him to add in to his rhythm when it sounded right. For the first song, I played a banjo to accompany the sound of Rowland and the washboard. We both sang during it, almost dueling voices, but also harmonized on occasion.

It was a song called 'Hands no longer young' we wrote about the urgent need people had for money, and how they started work at too young an age, and before they even had time to grow up their hands looked as if they could already retire. the music was better than the idea of the lyrics. the crowd enjoyed it. The other two songs were just an acoustic guitar and vocals combination. I had been playing for a few years, but since I had left school a few weeks before I was having more and more time to play, practice, create, and practice some more. The people in Leonards enjoyed the last two songs as well. They were just upbeat sad songs I had written about my parents a few years earlier.

There was a song I was working on, two actually, one was a secret song I wanted to surprise Miisha with, and the other was a song with Miisha. She had never played an instrument before so i bought her some tap shoes and told her to just tap them whenever she felt like she should. Her voice though was unmatched. She could hit anything and everything. Sometimes I would just listen to her and forget to play. I was trying to get over that, it wouldn't look very good if I forgot what I was suppose to be doing up on the small stage. She didn't like crowds though, well she did, just not being the target of everyone's eyes.

When I sat down at the bar Miisha gave me the lightest kiss, just a brushing of the lips and told me she liked the songs and wanted to go outside for some air. I told her I would grab my coat, but she said she was fine on her own, gave me a wink with her lazy eye and went outside. "I think we should buy some land and build a house." "You do Rowland?" "Yeah. I do. I don't like my apartment, you are living between a truck, Polkie's, and Miisha's, we have the money saved, and yeah. I think we should." "Have you thought about where Rowland?" "I talked to Crispin. His dad wants to sell twenty acres on the outside of his property near Montgomery Hill." "And?" "And that's the property we are going to buy. And after we get the plans, and get the permits and all that stuff, we're going to build a house." "What builder do you want to hire to build it?" "No. We are. You and me."

I could see in his eyes he was serious. I was impressed with him. He had an idea, and he seemed pretty sure about it. "How many drinks have you had in those last two songs?" "I'm serious." "I thought you wanted to travel?" "Nope. We are going to build a house." I was looking straight at him now, he didn't just want my approval, his eyes were telling me he needed my help, and he wanted me to want to do it as well. Well Rowland, "we are going to build a house then."

"Hey I need you back man. Sorry breaks over. We need ice and the two Light's are just kicked." Sheridan was the bar manager and worked bar on the open mic nights. He let me pick up a few shifts in the bar since I left the University, but he would give me forty five minutes off to let me play some songs and have a quick beer before I had to get back. Sheridan was a real nice guy like that, always looking out for his friends, always trying to accommodate, that's why people liked him.

When Miisha came back in she saw that I was working already so she sat down with Rowland. I was glad they were hitting it off like they were, the last thing someone likes is their brother or friends not getting on well with the person they were with. It was a fact now. I was with Miisha. I didn't know why I was lucky enough for the position, but it was so. Miisha made sure about it.

It was a week earlier, about two weeks after we first met, when Miisha and I were walking down to the docks around twelve thirty Wednesday night Thursday morning. She decided she wanted to walk me there, she didn't want to stay, she wanted Rowland and I to have our time, but she liked the docks, and she liked me, so she wanted to walk me there. We got there earlier than I ever would usually, I didn't want her to leave right away so I made sure we got there well before Rowland did. I think she liked that. She didn't say so, but when I asked her to stay for a while, she put her head on my shoulder and squeezed my left hand a bit tighter.

We sat with our legs hanging off of the docks and got back into a conversation we were having over dinner. We ordered a pizza to go, and we ate it on one of the benches at the University campus. Miisha really enjoyed eating outside, she never really told me why. I was on my third slice, Missha still on her first when she asked me why Rowland was in a wheelchair. I told her about the old lady and the damn dog and how Rowland had nothing to do with it except that he was unlucky for being there. We discussed the idea of 'luck and unlucky' for a while and then the moment just fizzled out into us sitting on the bench in silence, smelling of pizza and trying to stay warm in the early November evening.

It was on the docks when I told her the rest of the story, about how that was the same day my parents died. I hadn't told her yet. I'm not sure why, maybe because I knew she was pretty emotional and I didn't want to see her upset, or feel bad for me. I don't like it much when people feel bad for me. After I told her she just kissed my cheek and stuck her head into my neck and my shoulder, grabbing my left arm with both of her hands.

"I want you to ask me to be your girlfriend." It hadn't occurred to me that it was any other way. We had only known each other for two weeks, but they had been very good weeks. We were real close for people who only knew each other for two weeks. "OK. Will you?" "No. Ask me if I will be your girlfriend, not 'will you.'" I didn't like that I couldn't see her face. "Well look at me then." She did. "Miisha. I would like to ask you something." "Go ahead." "I was hoping that you would give me the honor of having you for a girlfriend." "That's not a question." "OK. Miisha will you be my girlfriend?" I felt like I was twelve. She sat there looking at me for about ten seconds, it was a bit awkward. Then she just gave me a single nod. "Nope. that's not an answer Miisha." She wrinkled her nose at me. "Yes. I will."

After my shift at Leonards had ended I walked Miisha home to her apartment. I wasn't planning on staying the night with her, and I didn't. I told Polkie that we would hang out after I ended work. I didn't end up seeing Polkie either though, he wasn't that sore about it, that happened a lot with Polkie and I. All of the stand ups made the time we did spend that much better. We were about ten minutes into our walk when I asked Miisha why her parents named her Miisha. "They didn't. It was all because of a little bear, a cute little bear."

It was then, when Miisha stole me.

It seemed to be a good day. I had made many decisions so far. Not completely life altering decisions, but decisions that could have a drastic small term affect on my current being. The more I thought about it the less it bothered me. I don't tend to throw myself to quickly into things, it's not that I am impatient or predictably sporadic, it's just that when something feels good, and right, and purely worth pursuing I usually try and go for it. It doesn't happen to me all that often, so when the urge kicks me in the ass it usually starts me running in that specific direction.

I spent two hours at the beach looking for sea glass. I found three lousy pieces. the pieces themselves weren't lousy, and the time I spent there wasn't either. I just thought I should have found more. I guess the beach was frequented a good amount, so maybe I was lucky to find just the three anyway, who knows, maybe I could have just showed up empty handed, or at the least holding a beehive.

We hadn't discussed much about what we were going to do, Miisha and I. We just had a time we had planned to meet, and a spot where I was meant to call on her. She was there on time. I knew this because I was there before we were suppose to be. I wasn't exactly where we were suppose to meet, but down and across the street a bit leaning against Rowland's car. I was borrowing it for the night. I couldn't show up looking like I was homeless and all, even though it was by personal preference. I wasn't worked up about being late, I just wanted to see what she would do If she showed up and I wasn't there. This girl had me aching on all levels. She wasn't worried a bit, just sat down in the grass and looked as pretty as ever.

I couldn't wait to see her and take her somewhere, anywhere. I didn't know if I should give her the sea glass right off or wait a bit. I decided in the end to wait a bit, even though I was fingering them over in my left pocket as I crossed the road to where she was sitting. I could feel whenever I had my hand on the blue one, because it was a bit softer, which made it a bit more wise to the ever changing life of the sea in my mind. Miisha saw me crossing the road and sat up a bit higher on her grassy perch. "Hey there danger." "Danger. Why danger?" "It just seems to fit you so far. Who are we fighting tonight?" "Just each other Miisha. Just you and I."

I helped her up from her grass seat, she looked like quite the lady sitting there. She had on a dress, three quarter I think the ladies call it, I could still see the skin of the lower part of her calves and her ankles. She had on low top sneakers. Black sneakers. That is a look I adore, no sandals, no fancy laced footwear, but shoes you could move in, shoes you could spin and jump around in. They matched the hair piece she had in. It was also black. I'm not quite sure what it was, it wasn't a head band or a flower, or even just a hair clip. It was some weird looking hair instrument I had never seen before. It didn't hold her hair in place, it just sort of held itself in place within her hair, like a misplaced Christmas tree decoration that didn't really fit well anywhere, but there it was. I decided I liked it and gave it a little flick. "That's nice. Where is it from?" "Slovenia. I've never seen one before tonight. My roommate told me I should wear it. I think it's her mother's or something. She said it was for good luck." "You don't need luck tonight Miisha. Not with those shoes on." This she laughed at, and we walked to the car.

I hadn't really planned on what to do or where to go. I was leaving it up to what I thought would be best based on the feeling of the night. I started off to the nearest big town, Dernst, and towards the sea, I thought it fitting for my gift and all. I turned on the radio and told Miisha she was in charge of what we listened to. I told her I didn't care what she put on, not one bit. It was in her beautiful little hands. I didn't say the beautiful little hands part, but it was on my mind. To this she rolled down her window. She rolled down my window as well. She had to lean across me to do this. She was very exact and deliberate. I think she knew she was driving me mad. And she turned the radio off. "I like the wind." She said. "It always sounds perfect."

Damn her. Damn that girl. Damn Miisha for being so damn unpredictable and so damn cute. It was still nearly light out. We had about an hour of daytime left. I pulled the car to the side of the road, waited for both lanes to clear, and gunned that car right around and took off in another direction. "I want to show you something Miisha." The only words out of her mouth until we got there were, "I want to see it."

It took just under thirty five minutes to get to my friend Crispin's property. Crispin Dweller. I met him five years earlier when we were both new to the University. We were never the best of friends, but we were close enough to drop in on each other whenever we felt it necessary. It was necessary. I always thought it funny that Crispin had straight hair. This is because in the traditional sense of his name, Crispin means Curly haired. He never found this insight of mine amusing, but it always got me a bit.

Crispin wasn't home, or maybe he was, but he wasn't on the part of the property I was heading for. Crispin grew up close to the University. His father became an English professor there some thirty years back and moved his family to the area. Crispin's father, Professor Emrick Dweller was a nice man, a bit scholarly for my immediate taste, but always pleasant and welcoming. He and his family owned a healthy plot of land just beyond town at the base of the highest land mass around, which was still relatively small, not much more than twenty three hundred feet. His family owned about seventy acres there.

When Crispin and I were becoming friends he would always show me all of his favorite nooks and corners of the property, one of which became one of my favorite places ever to just be, and relax, and especially at this time of year, October, to listen to the sounds of silence and all else.

Miisha and I parked the car at the end of the private road and walked in from there. It wasn't a busy or tiresome walk, just about fifteen minutes to the base of Montgomery Hill, the humble protrusion trying to justify itself amongst the surrounding fields and woods as an elite landmark. When we were close to our destination I had Miisha cover her eyes with one arm and take my hand with her other. I told her it was important that she didn't see where we were going.

The humming and buzzing started just outside the opening at the base of Montgomery Hill just as I knew it would. It was October, the time when bees and hornets were making their last rounds of deliberate chaos before they went away for the winter months. I never knew where they went, if they just died off, or if they nested in some deep, warm hole in the earth until spring. I never knew where they would go, but for five years now I knew what they could do on a night like that night.

I had Miisha lay down amongst the buzzing and humming. She was so eager to look, but I told her not to for just a few more moments. I laid down close to her, not next to her, but completely opposite her, only our heads were close, looking upside down at one another. Actually I was so close my head was just touching her hair. She smelled of the sweetest things, nothing in particular, just everything sweet supremely come together as one intoxicating perfume.

We were in the middle of a small opening at the base of the hill. On each side of us were some apple trees planted some forty years before. The apples, at this time of year, had either mostly fallen to the ground or were at their last stages before rot hanging on the most delicate of limbs from their respectful father and mother trees. This was the time of year when bees and hornets were on their final feeding frenzy. Sucking all the last sugary life from each willing fruit. the hum was more than just a hum, it was a symphony of life that comes before the bitter stages of cold, darkness, and certain death. It was the seasons final hope of one last great succulent meal, of the last dream before morning, the last thought before reality steals you back.

I was happy to share it with Miisha. She deserved it after our first night together. Even if I had never met her I'm sure she deserved it. She opened her eyes and just laughed, and smiled, and laughed again. She looked over to her right where my head was and kissed me on the nose just as the sun dipped down over Montgomery Hill. "I've never heard or seen such wonderful magic before." She said. "Tonight it is here for you, Miisha." I took the sea glass out my pocket with my left hand. I had to roll on my right side a bit to get the three pieces out and hit my bandaged beehive on the ground and it hurt like nothing before. I tried to hide my wince from Miisha. She didn't see it.

I asked her to close her eyes for a moment, but when I looked at her I could see they were already closed again. I put the three pieces of sea glass just under the hollow of her neck, on the top of her chest. She felt for them and fingered each one of them individually, and then held them all together, switching them from hand to hand. Then she brought them to her nose and smelled them all before opening her eyes. "They smell like the sea. Like the sea and the waves of the sea." I saw a few tears roll down her face, but she was smiling. "What's wrong Miisha?" "Wrong. Nothing. Right now nothing is wrong. It feels like life." "Life?" "Life."

Miisha breathed in one strong breathe and let it out softly. She threw her left hand straight up into the air and opened her palm. She turned back towards me, nudged her way in just a bit closer so our eyes were nearly touching. Even though they were upside down to each other I could see every color she had in her eyes. Brown, orange, yellow, even a touch of burnt sienna near the rim of them. Her pupils were small and focused on me. The lazy eye even had a bit of red dancing between the rest. "Steady. Breathe. Don't forget to breathe." She said. I hadn't even noticed I was holding my breathe.

"I just dropped it." She said. "Dropped what?" That's when she kissed me. She kissed me like we would die if the kiss couldn't save us. She kissed me long and hard like we had but one chance to prove it was the only thing worth doing, the reason for living. She kissed me until we were back at the car, until we were at her apartment, until she fell asleep. I even watched as she tried to kiss me in her dreams. She didn't want me to forget that kiss. I couldn't. It was life.

Presents for Miisha

It was arguably the third best sleep I had ever had in my life up until that point. The second best would have been the night I got home after a morning flight home from the San Francisco airport where I had been visiting a friend of mine for two weeks. My flight had one layover in Chicago. My early flight left at four in the morning and the layover in Chicago was only three hours. But after we had all boarded the plane and it left to taxi around before departure the weather wouldn't allow us to take off. We sat in that damn plane for eight hours before we could leave.

I do not like airplanes. There is not one thing I do like about them, except maybe the day dreams of seducing one of the prettier flight attendants over a long flight, and I don't even like that all that much anymore. I'm not nervous on them, I do not expect them to crash. There is just a smell about them I can't stand. It shuts me off a bit. The smell is the reason I can't sleep on them.

It wouldn't have been all that much of a problem if I had slept the night before at my friends house. But, as all last nights go, we made some hell out of it. I figured it was such an early flight I didn't really need the sleep until I got back to my apartment the next day early afternoon. I was wrong. The night was fantastic, a real good send off, but stuck on that plane, and then my ride left at the airport so I had to bus home didn't leave me in the best of moods. I was up for about 39 hours with no rest, airplane food, and I smelled like public transportation, and airplanes. The sleep was well appreciated.

The best sleep I had ever been fortunate to be a part of up until then was more of a collection of short naps. When I was younger it was one of my favorite past times to get home from school and have a nap. Now granted I enjoyed it very much, I probably only did it about twelve times. I loved having a nap in the daytime and waking up a few hours later at about seven thirty, when it was still a bit light out, and thinking it was morning. When my mom or dad would tell me that I just dozed off and it was just getting into nighttime I would feel like I stole a whole day back to use. I felt like a champion of all.

This was the third best sleep. Polkie dropped me at my flat. It was the first floor flat in a building of three. I had one roommate, Alastaire Bentman. He always wore collared shirts, got a proper haircut every two and one half weeks, never wore sneakers, and loved to cook Indian food. He was never a mess, he made his bed everyday, had a special cover for the head of his electric, rotating toothbrush, and had four different types of lotions. I slept on a couch in my room. I just had no need for a bed at the time. Actually, the only furniture in my room was the couch and a desk for my books where I could do work on. My clothes all had their specific place somewhere on the floor, so I could always see my entire wardrobe.

"You look like crap." "Yeah, I met a girl last night. She knocked my socks off." "Then it looks like she kicked your ass." "It smells funny in here, is that your kiwi yogurt hand cream?" "Oh shut up. The rent is due in four days. You can't be late again." I was walking to my room. "Oh and tell your stupid brother he just can't come in here whenever he wants. And he always leaves little dirty wheel marks when he comes in, and I'm not cleaning it ever again." My door was shut. Clothes came off. Light went out. Brain turned off.

I missed my first class of the day because I spent the morning packing all of my stuff into the back cab of my truck. It wasn't the best vehicle, but it could drive me here and there, and could always store my stuff in a pinch. I managed to leave over fifty dirty shoe prints throughout the apartment, the most severe ones on Alastaire's cream colored blanket. I wrote a note saying he could keep the couch and to try and stop being so much of a jerk. I left the rent money in the sink and dumped a glass of water over it. It felt like it would be a great day, especially after such a great sleep.

Rowland and I met up at a little food joint in the small downtown of the University. I told him I might need to stay with him for a while. He told me that I couldn't because his roommate didn't like me all that much. He seemed a bit worried that I was up and about so quickly. He told me I should have stayed in the hospital for another night because I looked ridiculous with a beehive on my hand and a white patch under my eye. We made plans for Saturday and I left him with the bill. I told him my money didn't like him very much and went to my class.

It was my first year as a grad student. I didn't like my undergraduate years all that much, but also wasn't very keen on starting anything serious yet. So after a year off I decided graduate school was what I needed to blow off some time until I figured out my next plan. I had an undergraduate degree in psychology, but decided that I wanted to continue my education as a writer and maybe someday a teacher. I was a terrible writer, but I had the money for it, and money to a University is like a mouses head to a cat, they just gobble it up.

Before the professor got the class completely underway he came up to me and asked what had happened. There were only six people in the class besides me so they were all listening in on it. "A good story?" He inquired. "Not really. I was just taking some candy from a baby and it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I have no idea what parents are feeding those damn things these days." When the professor was quite satisfied that I wasn't going to give in to his request of the events leading up to my current physical status he told me that I looked pretty bad and I didn't have to be there if I wasn't up to it.

I dropped out of graduate school an hour later and went to go find some sea glass I could give to Miisha when I took her out a few hours later. I only found three pieces at the local coastline. Two pieces of green, and one blue piece. I really thought she would like the blue piece. It turned out she liked all three.

Miisha meets Polkie

I didn't wake up until about eight that morning. Miisha was sitting next to me holding my left hand like she does, index finger between the little finger and ring finger. She was sleeping. She was breathing softly for someone sitting up sleeping in a chair. Her hair was down over the left side of her face, which was good because it seemed to be blocking the sun beaming in through the windows from waking her. Rowland was sitting in his wheelchair just beyond the foot of my bed slumped over like a stuffed goat. Not nearly as pleasant to look at as Miisha. There was a constant half barking half hissing sound coming simultaneously from his nose and mouth. There was a magazine folded on his lap as well. Only Rowland, and maybe Polkie, would look at a nude girl magazine that early in the day.

I'm glad Miisha was holding my left hand and not my right because it was bandaged up in the shape of some giant white beehive, with little sprinkles of red on the outer left side of it. It didn't hurt much, but I gathered that was because of the tubes coming out of my right arm. I didn't have a shirt on and had some small bandages up my left side. And there was a wrapping around my arm. Nothing too bad. It didn't look like that much of a mess had happened. I could feel something on my face, under my left eye. And my eye itself didn't feel normal. I could see out of it, barely though. It worked but there was a bandage just underneath it poking up at it.

I gave Miisha's hand a gentle little squeeze trying to rouse her. She blinked twice, searched for moisture in her mouth and by the looks of it didn't find much, blinked again and looked right at me. "Steady." She said. I gave her a wink and said softly, "Miisha, shhhh." "HEY ROWLAND!!" Rowland nearly fell out of his wheelchair. "What, what? I'm up. What's up man?" "Hey Rowland. What the hell happened?"

Rowland did the talking. Miisha said one or two things but I didn't really hear them all that well. Rowland was talking a mile a minute and I was trying to follow along, but was more interested in how attractive Miisha was in the daytime.

"You even listening?" Rowland asked. "Yeah. yeah" I snapped back to reality "So what happened?" He told me how Barns, Tobe, and the other two guys started in closer on us, so I ran straight at them so they wouldn't get too close. Apparently I dove with my body fully horizontal into three of them. Rowland said the confrontation lasted about a minute and a half, pretty good for four on one I reckon. He said Tobe and Barns both got a good beat. Barnaby and one of the other guys I kicked off the docks onto the rocks below. He said I had Tobe down on the docks and I had just introduced him to my head when the fourth guy pulled out his knife. I tried to grab it from him, and after he stabbed me in the arm I shook it loose. That explained my arm. Rowland said that was when I lost my calm. He said he had never seen any one hit any one else that hard before. The guy fell straight back, his legs didn't even have time to buckle. Rowland said I just started to scream at him and Tobe. Rowland said he had never heard any one scream so loudly. Miisha shook her head in agreement.

"That's when I thought you were dead man." "Dead, Rowland. What do you mean dead?" "You don't remember?" "Rowland if I remembered would I be asking you what happened?" "Tobe pulled a gun out man. He shot you in the face. Lucky for you you stuck your hand in the way. That's why you only have three fingers on your right hand man. Slowed the bullet down. It barely went into your face, just kind of stuck in your cheek. They pulled it out real easy." "Oh." That explained the hand and face.

"I tried to go after him, but this one here wouldn't let go of me. She was holding on so tight. She was real scared man. I was scared too. Thought you were dead when you fell off the docks." "I fell off the docks?" "Yes sir. That's why you're all bandaged up. Fell on some pretty nasty rocks. Knocked you out I think." That explained the bandages on my left side. The story complete then. "You think." I didn't know what to say. "Miisha was the one who crawled down to get you man. I couldn't get down there. She stayed with you until the cops and ambo's got there."

I looked to Miisha. She was crying a bit. She still seemed a bit scared. "Are you OK Miisha?" "Yes. I think. Steady. I was scared though." "Thanks for caring so much to stay Miisha. What were you doing down there anyway?" "You left your lighter on my couch. I was bringing it to you. Thought you might want it." "That's sweet. Thank you. Why don't you hold onto it for me for a while. It'll be safe with you." "Safer than you I'm sure." She said laughing through the tears. "Yeah. Wednesday nights and Thursday mornings always seem to be a bit interesting." "Interesting!? You call that interesting?"

"Hey heard some body in here lost a fight a few hours ago." Polkie announced from the doorway with a flower in his hand. The flower still had roots and dirt on it. "Ah Polkie you bought me flowers." I said. "No sir. Heard there was a girl here to. You must be the girl. Here you are love." Polkie handed the freshly picked daisy to Miisha. "Thank you. Polkie?" "Polkie this is Miisha. Miisha Polkie. And by the way it doesn't count as a fight if someone uses a gun Polkie." "Whatever. Rowland said it was yours before Tobe shot you. Tobe was arrested by the way about an hour ago. They found him a few towns over with Barnaby in the car with them. You won't be seeing them for a while. Except in court maybe."

We stayed there for a while longer, the four of us. I wasn't allowed to leave until later that night, and only because I put a big fuss up about it. Hospitals are not my favorite place to be. Polkie volunteered to stay with me and later had to drive me home. I told Miisha she should let Rowland take her back to her apartment and she should get some real sleep because I was going to take her out the next evening after her classes, which reminded me I had a class at two I was going to have to miss, but maybe I could make the two I had the following day. She agreed and said goodbye. Rowland rolled over to me and gave me a hug. I didn't expect it at all. "Careful man. maybe slow down a bit. I'm going to need you to look after me when I'm older." "You're tougher than I'll ever be Rowland." "I'll see you later brother." Before Miisha left she kissed the palm of my left hand and closed the fingers. "Don't drop it now." She said as her and Rowland walked out of the door. It was everything we could do, Rowland, Polkie and myself, to stop from laughing fits.

"Who's magazine?" "Yours friend. Rowland knew you'd be coming so he brought it for you." "Blow you. You alright though." "Don't I look alright?" "You do for someone who got shot in the face five hours ago. Take it easy man. Steady. I can't believe she used the don't drop the kiss line." "I know Polkie, isn't she just sweet?" "She's sweet man. A bit weird to still want to see you after the last twelve hours." "Well. Sometimes they just like you." "I guess so. By the way, does she have a lazy eye?" "Yeah Polkie she does. Drives me mad."

Rowland meets Miisha

"Cut your hair man. You look beastly. And same shirt and pants you had on last time." My brother is the best. "Hey Rowland." I was being civil, and I was nearly late. "You're late man. You are always late. What happened to your face? It looks raised above your right eye, and your left now that I look at it." "I'm not late, it's only two fifty three." "Yeah, well I was leaving at three." "I know Rowland, you never wait past three."

Rowland and I were never really close when we were younger. he would either pick on me or just never even talk to me. Since he was older he had all the firsts. The first to go to school, the first to make friends, the first to have homework, the first to like girls, the first to name a pet, he had them all. And he would never stick up for me, not even in school when I needed him. When I was being picked on by the older kids, or thrown in the garbage because I was faster than the really older kids, never. Not even when I was in my first fight with Oswyn Adams, who was three grades above me. Oswyn threw a rock and as I tried to jump over it it caught me on the foot. He then proceeded to pummel me for a bit until I just lay there all dirty and bloody. I couldn't walk without a limp for four days after that. It was a big rock. My brother came up to me while I was laying there in the dirt. I looked up at him for help, but all I got was "you're a wuss." He never apologized for that. It was the only fight I've ever lost.

When we hit high school our relationship improved. Not that it got better, but that it ceased to exist. He went his way. I went mine. He went popular. I went quiet. It was perfect, we wouldn't have conversations for months at a time. No reason to bother one another, and no reason to care.

Then that's when Rowland got smashed up in that car accident by that old lady. His senior year of high school, my junior. That's the day our parents died.

I wasn't in the car with them. They didn't want me to go right away to the hospital with them. They wanted to see Rowland first. They were in a bit of a hurry after they had received the call from the police that he had been severely injured in an automobile accident, and they better get to Groves Memorial as soon as they could. It had just began to rain half an hour earlier, so the roads were a bit wet. They took my fathers car because it was less busy inside, and because my father took better care of his car. He was always changing the fluids, changing the filters, and putting air in his tires. Taking care like any good rural-born dad would do.

We didn't live in a big town when we were growing up. There were other houses on our street, but not many. There were only a few hundred kids in our school. There really wasn't much kids could do besides cause a little mischief. I remember when Rowland and I were younger, and the few times we did hang out together, we would always cause a little mischief. But we were older then, junior and senior in high school, so it wasn't our mischief that started the crash.

My parents were speeding down one of the side roads on the outskirts of our town, just before the highway entrance, when it happened. The police report said they were probably going just over sixty. It was a thirty five mile per hour zone, and it was raining. The report later said that it was the roofing nails in the road that caused the blow out, and it was the tire blowout that caused my dad to lose control, go off the road, smash the passenger side of the door into a very large and sturdy tree, which flipped the car a few times, landing on its roof in a shallow river bed. It was the tree that took my mother, it was the water that stole my dad.

The police couldn't do anything to the kids who lived a few hundred feet away with their single dad. The kids who threw the roofing nails in the road to watch car tires burst and go flat. They were seven and nine. What did they know. I couldn't blame them for it, hell Rowland and I did the same thing once when we were kids. It didn't work though, we used the wrong nails.

Rowland was eighteen at the time. I was almost seventeen, so we needed a relative to come live with us for just over a year. My parents were pretty well off, so our house was already paid for. The life insurance money and their savings went to Rowland and myself care of my godfather, who I had never even met before. It was put into accounts. Accounts for property taxes and bills, accounts for future schooling, emergency accounts, just accounts for everything. The lady who hit Rowland had some money too, and her insurance paid for Rowlands hospital bills. The ladies son, Edmund, tried to give some of his mother's inheritance to us for our troubles. He even brought the damn Pomeranian, Frickle, with him when we met. We didn't want the money. We didn't want anything to do with it. I didn't want to see that damn dog ever again.

The next few years Rowland and I grew closer than ever. He was my brother, and he became my best friend.

"So what happened to your face man? I thought you were going to Leonards to meet up with Polkie." Leonards was the name of the bar I was at with the music, and the girl. Polkie is Reginald Polk, my thinning, bearded friend. He didn't like being called Reginald, or Reg, Reggie or anything, and since he would try to swoon any girl that came in his direction, except one's with sweaters now, we just called him Polkie. He seemed to like it, though I don't think he ever knew where he got it from.

"I did. I ran into one of your friends there." "Who?" He asked. I looked at him with a wry little smile. He knew right away. "Eddie. Awe shit you saw Little Eddie there didn't you. Shit. Shit. That's why James called. He wanted to know what you were doing." "So. Calm down. What's the problem man?" I asked. "I told him you'd be here with me tonight." "That makes sense. I'm here with you every Thursday at around this time." "I know. So does he now. That bastard. You should get out of here man. I bet he's told Barns and Tobe." Barnaby and Tobias. Shit.

Barnaby and Tobias were friends of Little Eddie, which did not make them friends of mine. What also didn't make them friends of mine was what happened the year before, on my birthday. After I left Polkie with his red sweatered girl I was feeling high from the joke I just had on him, and decided to go out for a pint and a game of pool. I went to this little dive joint just outside of the University town called the Just Passing Pub. I had some games of pool, I won a few pints from these old fellas that loved to play games of pool for beer. And I was having one hell of a birthday. Barnaby and Tobias, or Barns and Tobe as they threaten people to call them came in at a little past eleven thirty. They had two girls with them. Cute girls, not dressed to impress, and definitely not from around there, or else they wouldn't have been out with those two.

I knew Barns and Tobe through my brother, through Little Eddie. Just local guys always looking for trouble. Always looking to make someone else feel small. Tobe saw me and gave me the finger, he didn't like my brother much, and knew who I was. he felt tough though because he was there with his brother Barnaby. I took the gesture as a sign of good graces and saluted him with my beer. "Cheers boys!" I yelled from across the pub. I knew that would put them off a bit. And I went back to my game of pool.

After about an hour Barns and Tobe were getting a bit sauced up, too loose in the head for a Wednesday night. The girls they were with were soon realizing they didn't want to be with them anymore and started pressing to leave. Barnaby grabbed one of them and tried to force her to dance. She pushed him back. He came at her again and she slapped him a good one on the face. He stopped, looked at her, took a very large gulp of beer and spat it at her. I don't like that, not in the least.

I calmy walked over to the four of them. This got both Tobe and Barns ready and jumpy. I told the girls that they should grab their coats. I gave them twenty bucks to find a ride home, and let them know they should probably leave. "Assholes." The girl said back towards Barnaby and Tobias.

J.J., the barkeep, said "Steady, gentlemen, please take it outside." We called him J.J., it was short for Jackie Joe, which makes very little sense because his real name was Paul Strickland. I knew this because he was a friend of mine. "OK J.J." I said. "Gentlemen?" I waved my arm from Barns and Tobe to the door. Now there were two of them, both about ten pounds heavier than me, but too soft to know it. The thing about two guys is you have to get one of them down fast so you can have the other one in a fair fight. I had no idea how I was going to do that outside in a civil fisticuffs, maybe in a bar brawl, but you'd had to be lucky to sneak a quick knockdown in a civil fight.

It was the impatient Tobe that gave me my opening. We didn't make it outside. He threw a drunken right at me whilst I was showing them the way outside. He missed, I smashed my beer across his face, a good sturdy stein, which broke, and he was out. Barnaby and I only lasted about fifteen seconds before I was being pulled off of him by J.J. and three other guys. The fight was mine. Tobe never regained sight in his left eye. He's still pretty sore about it. It was a pretty good birthday.

"Well, if he has, that's life brother, take it on the chin. Anyway its Thursday man, and it's almost three. I would never miss another Thursday. You know that." I had missed seventeen Thursday's in a row when I was travelling. I would call Rowland every Thursday morning between two and three though, and we would shoot the shit for a while. We would talk about people we met or what we were doing, but it still hurt him I wasn't there. When I got back I promised him I would never miss another Thursday, and I haven't, and I wouldn't again until the night I died.

Wednesday was the day of the accidents. Rowland's and then our parents. It wasn't until sometime between two and three on Thursday morning that I told Rowland what happened. It was the only time in my life I had seen him cry. We talked about how it was just us from then on, about how we needed to be nicer to each other, and look out for each other. We have ever since, and every Thursday, early in the morning we go down to the docks where we threw our parents ashes into the river that ran into the bay, and we just hang out together for a while. We keep an eye on each other.

"I know man. But maybe you should miss this Thursday." That's when I saw Miisha. She must have heard me say the docks and came down to say hello or something. I found out later that she had come down because my lighter had fallen out of my pocket on her couch. She just wanted to return it in case I needed it or something. A sweet little thing.

"Hey Miisha. You drop it already?" I screamed from the other side of the dock. "Nope. Still have it." She said as she raised her left arm high into the morning air. Rowland chimed in when Miisha started walking our way. "What? Did you do that stupid don't drop the kiss line?" "Shut up Rowland, it's your line anyway." "Yeah but it never works." "Yeah, maybe just not for someone in a wheelchair." He jacked me in the back of the thigh with the butt of his gun. It hurt for a moment. Miisha saw this and stopped. "It's OK Miisha he's my brother. Come meet him." She continued her progress towards us passing in and out of the dock lights. "Does she have a lazy eye man?" "Yep. Drives me mad."

"Hello there Miisha. You changed your shirt. Miisha this is Rowland. Rowland Miisha." "Hello Rowland." "And a good morning to you Miisha." "Yeah I didn't really like it. I was just trying it out. It's a bit frilly." "It suited you well." I said.

"Hey shit head." Tobias and Barnaby chorused. There were two others with them as well. Stupid men. We were on a dock less than eight feet wide and more than four feet above the water and the rocks. What did they think having more numbers was going to do for them? "Miisha why don't you stand behind Rowland here for a bit." As Miisha walked behind Rowland and his wheelchair Rowland showed me his gun and shrugged his shoulders. "Put that away. You're on the sidelines for this one brother."

"Come on man, Little Eddie was just an eye for an eye and all that." I screamed. prodding the four of them to get off their heads a bit. It's always better to be calm when you find yourself in moments like this. "I mean how many eyes do you want?"